Here's how I feel:

Sometimes, when I'm with him, I don't want to leave. We'll talk on the phone and I'll want to call him again in a few hours. I can't stop touching him whenever he's near. I save certain voicemails so I can listen to them again. I never get tired of tracing his features while he rests. The best is just laying in bed with him, cuddling, when I don't have a single thought in my mind because I'm so in the moment.

I've forgiven the bad times between us. I've forgotten about the insults we've hurled at each other and the bad times.

But sometimes, it just doesn't feel right between us. Like I know it's never going to work out long term.

And if being in love means looking past every single little fault the other person has, I certainly don't do that. I tolerate, but he still can push my pet peeve buttons.

Here's something I've never told anyone - if he ever asked me to marry him, I would do it in a heartbeat. But I don't know exactly why - because I love him? Or I just like the thrill of being spontaneous?

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know..

Sometimes he's my complete world, but other times I find myself flirting with other guys and forgetting him totally.

All I know is I don't want to hurt him any more. And if I have to leave him and never talk to him again to help us to both move past this, I will.