Song stuck in my head..anyway, nearly 2 in the morning, what THE fuck am I doing up? I don't know what happened. There I was in bed, post-self loving, which always helps me pass out (I apologize for the TMI) and then my cell phone rings and now I can't get back to bed.

Stupid people texting me forwards at 12:30 in the morning..

So, I went through all my clothes in my insomniac phase and collected three trashbags of shit that doesn't fit me anymore/I don't like. 3 bags! I love that I wear a size 10 no longer! Who woulda thunk the chubby, little lesbian-looking girl would grow up and actually slim the fuck down?

That is one thing that keeps me going in this dark, dark world: I lose weight without even trying now days.

Now if I could just do something about my thunder thighs, I'd be in heaven! Sure, my low paying job still might suck, but I'd look at the bright side. Hold my chin up. Think about tomorrow. That sort of thing.

Gosh, I miss S. Well, that's sort of a given. I did cheat and called him Saturday night, during another period of insomnia. He didn't pick up and I started to pray that he wouldn't, given that I said we weren't going to talk and I'm annoyed at myself for breaking my word so much over this past half-year. But he did, a little later, when I had gotten to sleep. And we talked until 4 in the morning.

I think it's a little too late to call him now. Would be nice though, just to hear his voice.

I looked at a new (used) car today with my grandparents. Car was great! Loved it! 2004 Subaru Legacy sedan with a sexy, sexy sunroof and a rear spoiler..hm..gosh. Yeah, everything was good, I was going to put a deposit on the car if things worked out, but then, they gave me the trade-in value for my current car.

$800 bucks.

SAY WHAT?!

Okay, while I understand the economy's bad right now and that yes, I have a gas guzzling SUV, THAT IS FUCKING BULLSHIT.

My grandparents bought that car for me a little over 2 years ago for $5,000. Yes, it's at 123,000 miles now. BUT CHRIST IN A SODA POP CAN, I AM NOT SELLING MY CAR FOR A MEASLY 800 BUCKS WHEN THE KELLEY BLUE BOOK VALUE IS AROUND $3,000.

Shit, I would have taken $2,000. But $800? If that's all I can get for it, I'm just going to run it into the ground.