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I really thought I had fallen in love with the wrong person. S wasn't worth it, what the hell was I doing? Did I enjoy euphemistically shooting myself in the foot, over and over, and over again? He was never going to be someone I could be long-term with, our lifestyles were just too different and he would never change. But, hormones do not discriminate. You get hot and bothered for the right one, the wrong one, the rebound, the love of your life. Whoever clicks, clicks and you're stuck, having feelings for a guy who might be the complete opposite of you, with no hope of you two reaching a compromise and forging a new path that you can both agree to walk. Ah, but I have been given hope, my friends. I am so in love (it's amazing how love can just amplify continually) and..he's worth it. S and I are back together. And it's good. It's great actually! I never thought he would try macrobiotics, and yet he is. How awesome is this guy? We still don't know if it's going to work out since it just happened a few days ago, but even if it doesn't..I'm having one of the best times of the past couple years with this boy that I adore. And if does work out (I'm trying to focus on the present moment and not think too much of the future, but it's difficult not to), wow..where we could be in 5 years. 2 years. 1 year. I have no idea. In any case, I'm love with a boy that loves me better. And God, does it feel good. A sort of big test is coming up, however. We got together almost exactly one week before I leave for a vacation in Alaska. In macrobiotic community. Nearly two whole weeks of not seeing each other. And I don't know how much contact I'm going to be able to keep. It's interesting though - we've got through a two week period when we didn't see each, right when we first got together. I was really busy with work and my parents encouraged me to focus on myself before the semester started. And hey, it was a bumpy time, but we stuck it out and grew from there. And that reminds me..when we first got together, that was the best time of our relationship. Now this is. It did go downhill from there. But, hey, no risk, no result. I'm completely letting myself go with him now, being completely myself and totally open with him. I figure, even it doesn't work out and leads to heartbreak in the end, at least I know I gave it all that I had. I'm not even scared. In fact, I'm so damn happy. It's weird not fighting, not dealing with the drama. I'm just not used to being happy with a guy.
Reliving the past ::: Eyes to the future!
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